Untitled blog

I think this color scheme and everything aptly accompanies the slight change in format that CSG is undergoing. Please note, as well, that my posts on the Daily Blitz are moving to a primetime spot on Tuesdays, beginning yesterday.

I know this is kind of a copout, but I have my writing class tonight and I thought some people might be interested in reading the assignment that I am going to have to read in front of the class. It is not exactly a "true" story in the purest sense, but would qualify as "Nonfiction." Kind of like A Million Tiny Pieces. I hope someone enjoys it.

Assignment for 2/28/07 – “I forgot who I was”

When I hit the water, I immediately went into panic mode. I forgot who I was, where I was, and most importantly, how I got in the water to begin with. My sole concern was my immediate survival, but due to this temporary amnesia, my brain and body struggled to communicate with one another. I tried desperately to calm myself and take stock of the situation. This is what I knew:
1) I was in the water.
2) The water was cold.
3) There was something white floating a bit further out.

Using these pieces of information, my brain concluded that either I had fallen into the water accidentally, or I had purposely jumped in to rescue the mysterious white object from the pond’s icy grip. I guess my body chose option B to be on the safe side, because I swam out to get it before returning to the shore.

As I pulled myself up, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had had the foresight to leave my shoes and cell phone on dry land before taking the plunge. I gathered my things and stuck each soggy foot into its respective shoe before beginning the long walk back to my dorm, but stopped at the first streetlamp to inspect my treasure. I had known was it was from the moment I grabbed it, but I couldn’t force myself to accept the truth until I saw it in the light.

A faint buzz from the lamp was the only sound as I looked down and shook my head. The object that I had risked hypothermia to retrieve was a crumpled paper plate from the pizzeria down the street.

Nowhere to run to, nowhere to blog

If you haven't seen The Warriors you should: Violence, cheesey music, themed gangs all dressed alike, etc.

Today's assignment -Write about something on the verge of collapse: building, bridge, marriage, contest, institution, alliance, certainty

(obviously to be creative I should shoose something original and not a suggestion)

Do you know what an ulcer feels like? An ulcer feels like having a knife stuck in your gut from the inside. Every time the phone rings, everytime I look at my computer, it feels like someone is twisting the knife around and I think I'm going to puke. I can't go on much longer like this. Sixty hours a week is too much.

I don't understand, I was on the fast-track to success. I have a great job, a fast car, a big house, a hot wife, and an even hotter girlfriend. I am envied by every man I know and yet this morning I sat in the garage with the car running for ten minutes before opening the door. I don't know what made me decide that coming to work was better than death, but I was wrong. This is much worse. There are six more hours before I can go home, but even in my home there is no sanctuary from myself.

The highlight of my day is my commute. Some days I pray for a traffic jam so that I can spend just a little more time away from home and work. Today, though, is the end of all of this. I am already beginning to feel a bit woozy, and it shouldn't be much longer now. Too bad I couldn't have just had a heart attack and died happy ten years ago.

Winter Blog Warning Continues

Considering that part of this thing is supposed to be a daily writing excercise I feel like the days when I don't say anything or just recap what I did are totally useless. That said, I don't think writing less is going to help me solve that problem. In light of this fact I have decided to go in the opposite direction. I will continue to write every day, but now instead of always trying to come up with something off the top of my head, if I don't have anything right away I will revert to the newly formed Plan Bee.

Plan Bee: My smart, beautiful, and incredibly articulate girlfriend gave me this book for my birthday called "The Pocket Muse: Endless Inspiration" and in addition to its helpful hints for starting writers it has great little mini-assignments to get you writing. Some of these will be more interesting for others, but it's about growth, you know. Plus this is really more to help me than you so what difference does it make. If you don't want to read it I'm not trying to force you.

Anyway here goes: Open an imaginary door, what do you see?

Ninjas. There are ninjas everywhere. There appears to be one dressed in white in the center but I can barely make him out in the sea of black uniforms that envelopes him. More repel down from the broken skylights, but I notice an ever increasing pile of unnaturally heaped bodies around the center scuffle.

It is tempting to run but as I turn I find that I am unable to leave. My katana is totally stuck on the doorframe. I try to pry it loose but the string from the sheath somehow got wrapped around the hinge. I could probably just pull it straight off but it might rip and the whole thing will eventually come unravelled. -->

As I consider my options a deathly hush comes over the room and I suddenly realize that it is too late. 2,000 ninjas in black are standing motionless, staring at me and my bright red uniform, and the one in white is quitely sneaking out the back door. It is true that my actions saved his life this day, but please don't call me a hero. Call me a moron because I took that fool's beating for him. Plus somebody stole my katana anyway. Assholes.

Ah, who gives a blog?

So , if you like dumb comedy, Reno 911 Miami is for you. It's even dumber and funnier than the show. I smell Oscar.

If you want to see something that I like put some effort into or something you should check out the DailyBlitz. I promise to put more effort in this week, although I am thinking I should bring the daily posting to an end in an effort to make the posts I do put up more interesting.

Make my blog the P-Funk

I can't wait to get funked up. Should be quite a good time.

Work last night was ok. The job is super easy and I got 2 free beers but the actors think improv is funny and are a bit full of themselves.

Today we went to the natural history museum and watched a IMAX movie on Everest. That is really all I have to say.

Blog not, 'lest ye be blogged.

So I was cleaning the barthroom today... I didn't want to, but a certain female houseguest had to be appeased. As I was scrubbing the filthy, filthy floor to a squeaky (or at least moderately) clean shine, I noticed that my generic Mr. Clean is called Fabuloso. Is it just me or is that really racist? It seems that bathroom cleaning supplies people have decided that Americans are too lazy to buy their own cleaning products, let alone clean their own house, and have begun marketing directly to the Mexican janitor/maid/indentured servant niche. It's not funny, it's just sad.

Tonight, you can find me in da club. Da comedy club dat is! That's right, it shall be my first night of work in the illustrious improv comedy industry. Science only knows what kind of funny, humourous, or comical situations I may find myself in in the box office!! Tune in tomorrow for all the juicy details as well as an exciting preview of next week's blog about not having anything to blog about!!

Anything else for you blogs?

One more useless day. Didn't do a damn thing. That's not true, I wrote an Autoblog post and I did revisions on an article I wrote before but that's it.

Class was pretty cool last night. We did 3 writing assignments just in the first 2 hours. None were particularly difficult or long but it was interesting to hear what other people came up with. Some people are dumb. Others are quite impressive.

Tonight's dinner was incredibly expensive yet delicious. That's all. No commentary today. I will try to be hilarious tomorrow to make up for it because I plan on doing a bunch of stuff.

Bloggin' it old school

What a beautiful day. It's so pretty out it makes you want to curse.

Started the day off right w/ coffee and frolf, then lunch at Casa Alvarez (again) before attempting a hike with some friends who were out of shape and bailed.

Now it's time for b-day nappy-poo to get ready for my first writing class. All other work, including attempting to be funny in this blog is temporarily on hold. I do have a project due Sunday morning though so I have something to do tomorrow before I go to the comedy club for paper work and out for dinner with lots of people.

Thank blog for the Internet

So I started the Spanish Autoblog today, I wrote two posts for a grand total of $20 but unfortunately the site doesn't go public until March 1 so those of you that speak (or read) Spanish will have plenty to look at in a couple of weeks.

In better news, I kicked some serious ass last week at www.Demockeracy.com! In addition to getting another rediculous "News in Briefs" piece accepted I also got an Honorable Mention in this weeks essay contest. Obviously, I still get no money but I was only a few steps away from 50 bones, or clams, or whatever you call them.

The research paper thing is really starting to piss me off. Last night at 11:30 (1:30 AM in Philadelphia where they are based ) I responded to a project within 7 minutes and I still didn't get it. They claim to have writer's world wide so I guess it was during the workday somewhere but GRRRRRRRRR.

Tomorrow is a special day because I will be both one day and one year older than I am today. I must admit this year has been WAY better than any in recent history. Time to celebrate with Mexican food and drink.

Salud!

I blog it, but I don't understand it

I think it about time that somebody said something about this:

If I hear one more politician or CEO blame "a complete breakdown of communication" for their mistakes I am just going to lose it. It started with the Katrina debacle, with Bush and Brown saying they had no idea what was going to happen even though we have actual video of them being told that the levees will break and everything and they say their not worried. When they say "communication" they really mean "listening." Other people were doing plenty of communicating but no one in power was listening.

Last week Ed Rendell apologized for people being stranded on I-78 in Pennsylvania. The reason? No communication. PennDOT didn't know what the Police were up to and visa versa. How the HELL is this possible in this day and age? Everybody has a cell phone, and last time I checked the cops have had radios for at least 50 years now! That excuse is unacceptable. That's like coming into class and saying you don't have your homework because the printer was out of paper. The thing that pisses me off the most is that people accept this! "Oh, you couldn't communicate, it's not your fault then... "

And today I see this: "David G. Neeleman, [Jet Blue's] founder and chief executive, told The New York Times in Monday's editions that he was "humiliated and mortified" by the breakdown in the airline's operations. He promised that the company would pay penalties if customers were stranded on a plane for too long. He said the crises was the result of poor communications and reservation systems."

When is this going to stop? When will someone important point out that of all the excuses, this just adds insult to injury? We know for a fact that today's technology allows the fastest, easiest, most portable lines of communication in the history of the world, and yet when someone feeds us a load of crap like this we gobble it up and ask for 2 more disastrous servings. The ancient Greeks had people running marathons to deliver messages and they still could have figured these messes out faster than George Bush with speed dial and a Blackberry.

It's a beautiful blog in the neighborhood

The Roots put on quite a show. The only problem is that their crowd is a bunch of morons. When you go to a lot of concerts there is a certain etiquette that must be learned, and these people had none. It was really annoying.

This is the other thing I hate about the Fillmore, which is apparently now owned by the bastards at Clear Channel:

They can't stop advertising to you for five seconds. I got a wristband, obviously I am planning on buying a drink already (despite it being the most expensive of any club in the Denver/Boulder area). Is it really necessary to advertise beer ON the wristband?

And another thing: Who the hell goes to a concert wearing earplugs? I can see if you worked in a venue or something but who says, "You know... I think I would like to go to a concert tonight, but I want it to sound like I'm listening to the show from the parking lot."

It's a blog-blog situation! Everybody blogs!

Wow, I am really scraping the barrel of the blog puns...

I have officially been hired by the Comedy club, so I will probably start next Friday. My sides hurt already... The travel writing class was not quite what I expected but I totally dominated the Q&A session so I think I got my money's worth. Now let's see if I can put any of it into practice.

Don't forget to check me out tomorrow at www.TheDailyBlitz.org as my post there is sure to be better than this one. I must admit it is written with a certain degree of absurdity, so you may find either mildly amusing and give a little chortle or completely idiotic and wish I hadn't wasted your time.

Thoughts from today's commute to school: What the hell is the deal with radio station bumper stickers? How desperate can you be to cover up the rust spots on the back of your beat-up sedan that you would actually be seen with one of those monstrosities on your vehicle? I mean seriously, can't you get like a whole box of "It's a child, not a choice." bumper stickers from your local bible thumper for free?

(after writing this, just now I have decided... From now on in my life I will refer to Christian bumper stickers as "Thumper Stickers")

I had to come back because I felt like a picture. Too bad Colorado doesn't look like this right now. The other thing is I need to rant about something real quick: Call Centers. I think by this point we have all accepted the fact that when you call a customer service hotline, the odds are pretty good that you will be talking to someone from another country because everyone outsources their call centers. That said, why does the guy need to come on and tell me in the thickest Indian accent possible, "My name is Sean, How can I help you?" You're name is not Sean and you know it. I can barely understand you, there is no way you are going to hide the fact that you are Indian and not American. Why can't they just say their real names? What difference does it make? I have no problem with outsourcing or accents or anything, more power to 'em. I just think that it shows a certain amount of ignorance and/or racism on the part of the manager to make sure his employees pretend they are from somewhere else.

This one goes out to my blawgs on da east side

So the comedy show was cancelled last night due to lack of audience but I didn't find out until I drove to downtown denver, paid for 2 hrs at a parking meter, and walked 3 and a half blocks in the freezing cold. I was very pleased. To keep a long story long, I have to go back tonight and won't be able to start actually working until next week.

On the plus side, I have my travel writing class tomorrow. It is only like 3 hours long and it only meets once so I can't imagine what we will do to get our money's worth but it should be interesting nonetheless. Also tomorrow night The (Legendary) Roots (Crew) will be here in Denver so that should be a sick show.

That's all for now, but here is a piece of advice for the future: If you ever want to get someone to do something, just call them softcore. Just be like, "Yeah, I figured you'd say that, only hardcore people are into this," and they will come running. Everybody wants to be hardcore.

The blogs are back in town

So tonight is the big night, I'm going to the comedy show and will hopefully be hired as well. The funny thing is I finally heard back from the Spanish Autoblog people that I applied to last week and they want me too. It doesn't rain but it pours, you know?

So as of now I have the following employment:
Spanish Autoblog: 30-60 posts per month, $10 per post
Philadelphia Research: By assignment, first come first served
Impulse Comedy Theatre (tentative): 2 nights/week for chicken scratch
Daily Blitz: 1 blog per week, unpaid

That's still not much but it will pay the rent because I live in a poorly-lit, poorly-heated, poorly-decorated, poorly-maintained soon-to-be-crack-house in a semi-affluent area.

Other than that I have absolutely fudge-all to report.

Here's a thought from last weekend's show: Buying two beers at once during the second set because the line is too long is such a moronic idea, you must have had at least two beers to come up with it. Considering how long it takes for alcohol to soak into your system, getting a 16 oz. beer for $6 plus tip anytime after setbreak is like throwing money directly into the urinal.

True blog is hardest to find...

A Valentine's Day consolation to you from despair.com:

Well, it's that time of year again, when thousands of dateless losers will watch movies alone in the dark and pig out on candy they bought for themselves. I can't remember exactly, this is either the second or third Valentines day in my life that I have actually had a girlfriend. And to be quite honest, today sucks just as much when you are in a couple as when you are single.

Sure, I'm not lonely, so I am not hit by the same side of it as usual. This year I have decided to sound off against the blatantly capatalistic nature of this faux holiday. At least for christmas they commericalized a holiday that already existed. For Valentine's day it would appear that M&M Mars, the Rose-Growers Association of America and Hallmark all got together and were like, "Ok we need people to spend money sometime between Christmas and Easter... How about a bullshit holiday where we guilt people into spending money to prove that they love their significant other?" And so it was...

Blog 1, check... check 1, 2... check, check

Jerry, could you pull the high end out? I'm still getting a lot of hiss-back.

Ok, that's much better.

So yesterday was a very productive day. In addition to going for a walk and writing a blog about it, I got my first paid writing assignment. It was due this morning at 10am Eastern time but I finished it last night anyway. It was 5 pages and they paid me $75 which is $15 a page or 25 cents a word which is awesome for my first project, especially considering how easy it was.

I almost got one today that was 13 pages for $140 and wasn't due for 2 weeks but I was too slow. It seems being the first one to respond when interesting jobs are posted is going to be the main challenge here but I am going to make a business investment to get email on my cell phone so I will always be on the ball.

Today I am just sitting here waiting for more assignments to come out but tomorrow is the dreaded V-day so maybe I should plan for that or try to get some other work done to free up tomorrow for my significant other.

I saw the sign, and blogged about it

You know what really pisses me off? Signs that don't make sense. The only thing worse is a sign that makes perfect sense at first, until the moron who put it up explains that in his little world it means something completely different and gets pissed at me for not seeing the moron's interpretation first. Case in point:

There is a coffee shop in Boulder that I go to a lot. In the window next to the door, there is a sign that says "Bad dogs make bad shoppers- no biting, peeing or pooping." Now I know most places in the U.S. (especially restaurants) don't allow dogs, but I remember seeing that sign and thinking, "That's cool that they recognize that not all dogs are bad and allow well behaved ones." Today, I was up in Boulder hanging out with my friend's dog and I decided to take her for a walk and get some coffee since we weren't far. When we came in a guy ran up and said, "You can't have a dog in here, it is a health code violation!" Now this is about what you would expect anywhere else but due to the sign I was very confused. I took the dog outside and tied her up and when I came back I asked about the sign. "Well behaved dogs are allowed outside," the guy explained, "you can't have a dog inside a restaurant anywhere in boulder."

Well no shit, Sherlock. I didn't need a freaking sign to know that dogs were allowed OUTSIDE, that's the only place they are always allowed!!! And even if that is the case, why the hell would you post the sign INSIDE the restaurant?? I realize that the message he was trying to convey was all true but the fact of the matter is that this is a case in which the sign does more to confuse the sign reader than convey information. In fact, you would probably be much better off with no sign at all than with a sign that conveys the exact OPPOSITE of what you mean!!!

It probably wouldn't have bothered me so much if they hadn't been such dicks about it, like I was the idiot for not knowing "well behaved dogs only" meant "no dogs allowed." I wasn't even really greatly inconvenienced, it just pissed me off how dumb they were.

Don't judge a blog by its cover

So, I think I got this job at the comedy club, they gave me free tickets to come see the show next Thursday and I bet I will start on Friday. I finally got an assignment in my area from the research paper people but it had already been taken by someone else so I guess the lesson is that I have to be more on top of that.

Bela kicked ass last night as usual but the Paramount Theater sucks because you have to sit the whole time. You can't dance, even if you want to and to top it off a Budweiser is 6 dollars. They don't even have micro brews on draft.

I guess I haven't said much recently that wasn't straightforward biographical crap so here is an attempt at being funny:

What's the deal with red light districts? Who decided on red? It seems to me a green light district would make a lot more sense. Or maybe yellow... you know, "Proceed with caution." The funny thing is that I didn't hear of this concept until I was pretty old, I was in the red light district in Amsterdam: I didn't realize there was anything odd about the place until I noticed that none of the cars were stopping.



Q: What's the difference between the weekend and the rest of the week in my life?
A: I feel bad about not getting any work done during the week.

Blog of the town

I have started getting assignments from this research paper company so I guess you could say I sort of have a job. I have only gotten three so far and 2 were on business and 1 was on psychology so I had to pass on all but it has only been like 18 hours so far so hopefully I will get some in my areas of expertise soon.

I will be going down to the comedy club today for an interview but unfortunately it is improv and not stand-up which is about the equivalent of signing up for a tennis club and finding out they really play ping-pong (table tennis). Comedy is comedy though and I get discounts at the bar so I guess it's not all bad. I'm still gonna apply.

Bela Fleck and the Flecktones tonight will mark the first of four straight Saturdays of awesome shows in the Denver/Boulder area. Next week I will see the Roots, then P-Funk, and then Robert Randolph. It's gonna be sveet.

Blog is cheap

So I have good news, bad news, and regular news:

The bad news is it appears that commonties doesn't want my story again this week. Boo Hoo.

The good news is that I got a response from a job I had long assumed I wouldn't get and they like me so I am going to send in the contract today. It is freelance work writing research papers. I sent them one of mine from college and they liked it so we will see how that goes.

The regular news which is also kind of good is that Impulse Comedy Theatre in Denver is Hiring. It's not great news because I don't have the job yet but it is pretty much my dream job. The money ain't great but I get to hang out with comedians all the time. I have to go in tomorrow to talk with them.

If I get this part time job and write one or two research papers a week I will finally have something resembling a livable income. Wouldn't that be nice?

I'm still waiting to hear back from relix.com about my latest music review, but if they don't like it they will at least tell me why so I'm sure it won't be long now. The only question is whether or not I should try to write another one about Bela Fleck this weekend.

I blog, therefore I am.

Another lost day. They just fade like farts in the wind.

I spoke with an accomplished writer yesterday who basically informed me that breaking into the writing world was a long, slow process. I knew that but I don't think we had the same scale in mind. I was thinking years, he was talking decades.

I feel like I'm just killing time until my class starts because I honestly haven't got the foggiest clue what the hell I am doing when it comes to creative writing. In the meantime it is becoming painfully obvious that writing is going to have to become more of a hobby than a job at the moment otherwise I am going to be out on the street. The problem is I don't want to do anything. As soon as I find a job I'll start to hate that too and want to quit that and go back to doing something else.

Will someone please just tell me where the grass is greenest for once and for all?

The problem with my generation is that we would rather skip the entire work cycle of adulthood and go directly from college to retirement. Or maybe that's just me... Why is it that when I was paying to go to school I didn't mind working but now that I need to work to get paid I can't stand it?

On your mark, get set, BLOG!!!

OK, comedy... Let's see, what's in the news?

Well, I apparently got 3 more visitors from China yesterday and one from the UK so either word is getting out or I am unwittingly hosting a link to some secret fetish porn site or something.

Also, the big news is that I have now earned over $1.25 for my articles on Helium.com!!! At this rate I will have the $25 required to request payment in under 2 years!!!



Oh yeah, I can almost taste it now.

Also I just saw the box-office smash Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan last night. It is pretty much exactly what you would expect. Sacha Baron Cohen goes around doing this character that people seem to believe is a real person to varying degrees. Sometimes people make asses of themselves without him having to do anything at all, which is funny. Most of the time though, he makes an ass out of himself trying to get a reaction out of people and its just kind of sad. You feel bad for the people who are just trying to do their jobs while he is acting like a moron.

Like sands through the hour glass... so are the days of my blog

Yeah that's right. You didn't think I knew anything about soap operas, did you?

Anyway I have a couple of exciting announcements: First off, one of my pieces was accepted by Demockeracy.com this week. Naturally, it wasn't the one you get paid for but progress is progress. It is totally ridiculous I know but sometimes comedy has to be that way.

Also, yesterday was sort of a weird day in terms of visitors because my hit counter says I got two different visitors from China, one from Bolivia, and one from Sweden all within 4 minutes or so of each other. If that is for real it means that my blog has been seen in 6 countries on 5 continents!! However, none of them stayed long or viewed more than one page, which makes me think it was some sort of like encryption or whatever that like terrorist hackers do so you can't see where they are.

You know, the scene in movies where they set up this web of connections all over the world and you see like James Bond or the FBI or something on another computer gradually figuring out the web while there is a countdown and the boss drinks coffee and smokes cigarettes going "Come on, come on!!"

I think maybe it was something like that, but if not its still pretty cool.

A picture is worth a thousand blogs

Well my prediction was a bit off. The Colts kicked ass but it was not the Peyton Manning show, unfortunately. Also, my brisket ended up tough so that was also a disappointment. This was my highlight:




This week will be more of the same, but it won't be long now until my classes start. At the moment it is looking like I am going to need to get a part time job but its should be truly part time and not 20 hours a week spread out over 5 days so it's just a full time job that pays shit. I need the money and maybe it will inspire me... Especially if it is a crappy job, then I would have lots to write about.

Speaking of which, The CommonTies essay this week is on work, so I think I will write about washing dishes. Also, I finally heard back from a source for one of my Newspaper articles that I have been waiting for for about 3 weeks now so maybe I can finally do that. Head's up for the response from Relix.com, shouldn't be long now.

This is harder than it looks. Contrary to what you would expect from the tuition costs and egos of the administrators, people don't hire you just because you went to a school with an endowment bigger than the defense budget... it has to be the same school as the guy doing the hiring.

SuperBlog Sunday

Today is the day that a certain team from a certain city famous for their Polish sausage is going to get their asses handed to them by a certain quarterback who is as predictable as he is unstoppable.

Also- Please direct your attention to the newest (Canadian) outlet for my angry creativity: www.TheDailyBlitz.org

That's me, eh. Iright Daley, holding it down on the north side ah da bordah.

Oh, for the love of Blog!!!

"I used to work at home, but I got fired for sleeping on the job"
--- Is that funny? I can't tell.

Well the verdict is in on the transcription job, it's a no-go. It's hard to be pissed though because the guy actually responded to tell me that they were going with someone else. He was a real class-act. Also, I handed in a new concert review to Relix.com and I finally heard from my boy in NYC about the Newspaper so that is good too.

Now, on to the topic one every one's mind: The Really Big (some might even say "Super") Bowl. Now as someone who could not possibly care less about the result of a football game without heavy sedation, I will obviously not be "rooting" for one team or another. Instead my loyalty is being pulled in both directions for non-athletic reasons.

First off, after hearing the matchup, any "Superfans" super-fan in his right mind is required to yell, "Da Bears!!" or maybe even don a hula skirt and coconut bra:



Second, there is the sort of societal/philosophical issue of Peyton Manning. After hearing so much crap about Michael Vick and like Steve McNair and those mobile quarterbacks that are so dangerous because they can run as well as pass, it is really refreshing to see a slow white guy who does nothing but stand in the pocket and throw perfect passes still kick ass. You know what he is going to do but you still can't stop it.

Prediction:

Bearssss - Twenty Tree
Colts - Forty Fife.... But Peyton will be held to 6 TD passes.

All quiet on the western blog

No news is good news? Not in the writing world. "No news" actually translates to:

"BREAKING NEWS- WE DON'T WANT YOUR CRAPPY ARTICLE!"

So another contest goes by at commonties.com and once again I have missed my chance at $200. Oh, well, I guess I'll try again next week. I turned in the Spanish Autoblog articles last night so that is still a possibilty and I haven't heard back about the transcription job.

Also I get my last paycheck from my old job today so while that will keep me afloat for a little while longer it also marks the passing of a lot of time since I started doing this without any progress. I am really looking forward to my classes because hopefully I will get better. I can write, I just am so used to writing research and stuff that I don't know how to write w/o citations and crap like that.

I'm sure as soon as I get into a classroom setting this will be much easier because it will go from being real work to school work. I will be doing the same thing, but I will be instantaneously better at it because it is for school. It's funny the way it works but I know school credit gives me this weird motivation that makes me kick ass.

We want the Blog! Give us that Blog!

So, in this book I am reading, there is a balding guy with a comb-over who makes a lot of money and buys a toupee. I think this is sort of supposed to be a joke because if you had that much money it wouldn't matter what your hair looked like anyway and also because if you were that vain you could afford hair transplants or something more realistic looking.

Anyway, the point is I started thinking how strange it is that a toupee is seen as such a target of mockery in this society, meanwhile women with fake breasts are accepted and respected. Well maybe not respected but you get the idea: most men would go out with a woman with fake breast without batting an eyelash, whereas most women would need a lot of convincing to date a guy with a toupee.

It made me wonder if it is because of the price, or because men love breasts and women hate vain, insecure men. I think if you really think about it though, it is probably because a woman's implants aren't in danger of coming off in a stout breeze.