Ghostride da Blog!!

Just in case you weren't aware, please allow me to introduce you to the dumbest trend to come out of hip hop music since the Timberlands-with-the-tag-still-on debacle: "Ghostridin' da Whip."



Yeah, that's for real. Apparently some guy wrote the song you hear in the background and a bunch of geniuses decided to go out and try it. It's not just that one video though, there are hundreds, most with the same song in the background.

I learned about it today as I did research to write 3 trial articles for the Spanish version of AutoBlog.com. Anyone who knows me knows I have always been a real gear-head and I know a lot about cars including, but not limited to, how to drive one.

Also I would like to point out that yesterday was a very important day for my blog because we (The Royal "We") got a visitor from China. CSG is now proud to have hosted bored people slacking off at work from four different countries on three different continents. It's a good start but I have to admit I'd be doing better if I could think of a way to get the other 999,999,999 Chinese people to come check me out...

Ah, Crap

I forgot to mention in my earlier post that this Sunday, Feb 4, and every following Sunday, I will be the featured writer at www.TheDailyBlitz.org. To start, this will be in addition to my posts here, and will probably be much better thought out and written, but we will see how long that lasts. The topic this week will be a rant on things that are of no value to the world, and it may be considered "angry" by those who don't know how to blow little things way out of proportion for comedic purposes.

Bloggin' ain't easy, but it's neccessary...

...So I make you laugh like Curly, Moe and Larry.

That's definitely not true but it was the only rhyme I could think of that made any sense at all. Plus, to be a good rapper you have to be hyperbolically boastful so maybe that's the way to go.

Anyway I was walking my brother's dog last night and it suddenly occurred to me that "Man's Best Friend" is really a goodie-two-shoes. Think about it, they follow you wherever you go, do whatever you say, and never reject or question you. No wonder they called kids "Teacher's Pets" in school. The funny thing is that when I was a kid I hated brown-nosers, but I have always loved dogs. It made me wonder if maybe they are not as similar as I thought, but then I suddenly realized the discrepancy: I didn't like apple-polishers when I was a kid because they were my peers and we were all competing for the teacher's attention. With a dog, it's like I'm the teacher and it is the flip side of the coin because the pet is trying to get attention from me.

Not only does this explain why my feelings are different in the two situations, but if you think about it, it also explians why cats don't like dogs. Cats are the jocks and rebels in the classroom of pet ownership, so their natural instinct is to resent the well-behaved, attention getting dogs, and occasionally pummel an unsuspecting canine after gym class with a lighting-quick flash of claws and sandpaper toungue.

The blog stops here.

Actually, it starts here but my titles never have anything to do with anything so what difference does it make? I had an interesting series of thoughts in the car today, see if you can follow the logic:

I like this song, even though it has no lyrics. --> Huh, Most of my favorite songs have no words. --> Does that seem ironic to anyone else considering my choice of profession? (Note: This is a bit odd, no? Asking questions to a non-existant audience in your head?) --> In the writing world we are taught to believe that language is so important and whatnot, but music can communicate just as well, if not better, because it can be understood by anyone. --> Isn't it interesting the way music and dance are interrelated? --> Why does the human body react that way? --> When people hear rythmic music, nodding the head or tapping the toe is almost involuntary. --> Words can't create that kind of reaction.

I'm not sure if I learned anything from all this, it's not like I'm going to give up writing and become a musician now, I just think it is interesting the way the two are intertwined. Maybe I could write songs... Ah, but that get's us right back to the beginning; right between a marsh and a soft place (if you think about it is a much more logical place to get stuck).

Also, be sure to tune in next week when I'll show you how to suprise your significant other by turning an ordinary photo of GWB into a sexy, Valentine's Day version of Neptune, God of the Sea!!

Blog or get off the pot

I think I have reached the official two-week mark of doing the freelance writing thing. I can't say that I have any paying gigs yet but I do have some of my most promising leads to date and a couple of good nonployment opportunities as well. Things are definitely moving slowly but moving nonetheless, and I just made some changes to my daily routine that I think should improve both creativity and productivity.

Here is my old schedule:

9 or 10: Get up, Shower, Coffee, Dump

11ish: Sit at computer, email, screw around, try to write

6ish- 12: Dinner, TV/movie, Dessert, More sitting at the computer

And here is my new one:

9: Get up, Shower, Coffee, Dump, Check email, Read (blog/novel/study)

12ish: Lunch, Write (Blog/Articles/Helium.com)

3: Exercise/Recreation

6ish-Bed: Dinner, Reading/writing/movie

I think the addition of some exercises is in my best interest for non-professional reasons, but then again, something as simple as a change of scenery can often help a lot in terms of inspiration. Also, I think doing more reading will help me gain some new influences and maybe direct me a little bit. If not, I still put in the effort drawing out the little schedule and thinking about how best to use my time, so I think that no matter what, it was time well spent.

As a side note, I saw "Smokin' Aces" today. Lots of action, lots of cool fight scenes and whatnot, but what the hell kind of ending is that? The twists and turns make you think the writer really knew his shit all throughout and then he just slaps you in the face with this explanation of the entire movie that kills even the memory of having enjoyed it up until that point. If I had walked out on it like ten minutes early I probably would say it kicked ass.

Let's give 'em something to blog about

I'm sorry, I'm getting lamer and lamer as this goes on. Today is about the least interesting so far. As far as work goes I got absolutely nothing done. I wrote something yesterday that I will hopefully publish next week and I went to BestBuy to get a warranty and took my old computer to CompUSA today, so that is in the works. Other than that there is seriously nothing to report.

The only thing I can offer is the observation that I am once again reaching the transition period from potential to reality when the even the best laid plans are know to break down. When you are a kid, you have your whole life ahead of you and you have unlimited potential. Then when school shows your not as smart as you may have thought, it gets narrowed a little bit. The same thing happens when time shows that you won't be big enough to play professional sports or talented enough to be a musician. One day you wake up and there is no potential for change, you just are what you are and that's that. Then again, maybe its just reality itself that never lives up to its potential.

Everybody's bloggin' for the weekend

Oh man, motivation is at an all-time low. I have a few ideas but when I still haven't heard back about three quarters of my submissions I don't know if it is even worth my time. I might just be spinning my wheels and be in need of some serious changes but not even know it. Then again, maybe everyone will be as positive as my man in NYC, and they just haven't gotten around to reading my stuff yet because they get so many submissions.

As it stands I have two good unpaid leads and one possibility of extremely modest compensation. I don't know, I'm starting to think that the writing business is like the other arts in that you have to sort of pay your dues and struggle for a while at first. It's not like a regular job where you just go in the first day and start doing it, it starts way slower but builds momentum and keeps it more.

If you think about it, the job security is probably pretty good when compared to a desk job. Yeah, you might not stay at the same place forever but the world will always need writers, authors, reporters, and now apparently, bloggers. A desk job is the other way around. You start off strong and have lots of work to do but eventually your position will be outsourced or mechanized and you will be out of a job. No matter how good you are at your job, odds are your boss will eventually find a machine or someone in a foreign country that can do it just as well for cheaper. But if you think about it, even in futuristic books like Orwell's 1984 or Vonnegut's Player Piano, the writing and editing process is never fully mechanized successfully because even the most advanced artificial intelligence can't compete with the human imagination.

The problem, however, is that there are a TON of people out there who think they can write, especially on the internet. It's difficult to be honest with yourself about the quality of your writing, although I think most of us know when we are writing crap. It's just funny sometimes that the reader's favorite part of the story may not be the author's favorite part. Sometimes you think something is a lot better than it really is and sometimes something turns out to be a lot better than you thought it was, you never really know. You just have to keep trying different things and go with what works. The only problem is that without any feedback it's difficult to know what's working and what's not.

Anywho, here's something funny:

You know how people always say that they get their best ideas in bed? Well, I could never relate to that because I always get my best ideas in the shower. I never thought much of it though, until the other morning... When I pulled back the cover, all my fingers and toes were wrinkled!!

Guess where I thought of that one...

Disc Golf Weather in Denver!

Well some of the snow is melting, and it is really sunny and warm. Bust out the basket!!

Got Blog?

Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted for my cycle! The rant was a huge success. Here is an excerpt from the response email:


"I could not have said it any better and I am thouroughly happy with your article. You write with passion, understanding and you can back your opinions with facts!!...I am thrilled to have your article and appreciate the time you took to write it."

I don't mean to brag, but it is the most positive response I have had so far and quite a morale booster so I thought I would, you know, like, brag about it. But it's not bragging if it's blogging right? It's just news. Anyway this is for a self-published newspaper in NYC called "Under the Rug" so keep an eye out for that. Naturally, it doesn't pay but it is a great non-ployment opportunity if you think about it. The publicity might be not be bad and it certainly upgrades my status from "unemployed" to "semi-ployed," at least in my mind.

You gotta fight for your right to Blog

I turned in the rant, and rewrote another article I had submitted earlier, so more things are in the works. I'm trying to sell my old computer to get some sort of income but I am having trouble reformatting it so I will probably have to pay CompUSA to do it. I will keep everyone updated on all this business in future posts, rest assured.

As far as interesting bloggables I must admit I am currently lacking. I'm scraping the barrel, but here are a few things that may interest you.

1) I like a blind movie critic because he can always tell you for sure if there are any good movies out worth hearing.

2) I was thinking that if I could have any power I would want to be able to see into the future. But I wouldn't use it to win the lottery or anything, I would only ever use it to choose when to switch lanes when I was stuck in traffic.

All you need is blog

The pictures I put up yesterday pretty much tell the story of the weekend. Total seclusion in this tiny log cabin with no telephone or television hook up (just a microwave, hotplate, TV and DVD player and my laptop) so we were really roughing it. The drive through Wyoming was nice and we made awesome time, coming back through Colorado was more scenic but took a lot longer. The dam in the picture is the Flaming Gorge dam in Utah. The mountain vista is also somewhere slightly north of Vernal, Utah. After rallying from a slow start, I was also crowned undisputed Scrabble champion for the weekend with a 9-3 record and the single word high score of 80. I think it was "Bluffing" which isn't great but i got the 7 letter bonus. I should say it was a 9 tile game so it wasn't all my letters. But that's not the point. The point is that you would expect a quote unquote writer to be good with words anyway wouldn't you? I would hope so.

Still no word from anybody who pays. I will be writing an 800 word rant to submit to a self-published newspaper in NYC tomorrow but that's for publicity and you can't buy food with publicity. But anyway we shall see. I need to get good and mad about something for the rant otherwise it will be forced and lame. I think I'll get drunk and watch network TV tonight I'm sure I'll find something that pisses me off.

Also, I have to admit that I caved today and got an iPod. I had a Philips mp3 player but it didn't work well and they didn't have one in the store when I went to exchange it so I said what the hell and got the nauseatingly trendy-yet-affordable mp3 player that is sweeping (or as Dane Cook would say, "Swiffering") the nation. Or maybe it has swept the nation already. I think I'm like 5 years late on this as usual. It's sitting in the broom closet. Regardless, I upgraded from 6 to 30 GB for like 20 bucks more and I must admit it is a far superior piece of machinery. I'm getting new headphones though, I'm not going to be their monkey and turn into a dancing silhouette with white earbuds.

Return of the blog

So I'm back. Too tired to really say much. It was awesome. Here is some eye candy:

Still in UT. Don't say i didn't post today. Or else.

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Greetings from Utah. Posting from my cell, living large in a log cabin.

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This blog is your blog, this blog is my blog

This blog really was made for you and me. I swear.

My first week of being a freelance writer is drawing to a close and this is what I have learned: [Please wait 6-8 weeks to hear what I have learned]. That's it. Nothing is quick in this business. Lot's of waiting, lots of standing around. I wanted to see one of those messenger kids on a bike come pedaling up to my house like Kevin Bacon in Quicksilver, all out of breath like, "Website....got your article....lots of money.... come quick!!"

Whatever happened to those guys? You don't see them much anymore, I guess their job was replaced by email. A bicycle messenger can't be expected to compete with an instant messenger. It's a shame too, because you never hear about them. Everyone always wants to talk about snail mail and how the USPS is going under. No one cares about Kevin Bacon. Poor Kevin Bacon.

You rock, Rock.

This crystal was given to me yesterday. It is for personal strength. I have kept it near my writing station since then... I can already feel my person getting stronger.

Keep on Bloggin' in the Free World

Now that I have posted my opinions on sex, everyone probably thinks I am a total pansy. Or maybe that I read cheesy seafaring romance novels and sigh in my free time. But my opinion of love, or at least my understanding, has come a long way since the fairy tale days of my youth:

First off, we can rule out love at first sight. Although I think it is possible to desire at first sight, or be attracted from across the room, maybe even lust at first sight, by its very nature, love at first sight is a contradiction of terms. You don't love with your eyes.

Next, the soul-mates thing is out. There is no single person in the world for each of us. If there were, no one would ever get together, because the odds of meeting the one other person in the world meant for you would be astronomical. Depending on the personality type, I think there maybe hundreds or even thousands of people out there for you. Then again, if you're a jerk, there might not be any. But definitely not one. No matter what, if one freak exists who could love you, there must be more out there somewhere .

Now, you may say, "This all sounds very negative to me, without all this, what's left?" How about love based on genuine human interaction? The subject must be taken off of a pedestal and brought down to our level for closer inspection. Things like language, geography, culture, and dumb luck all determine which of the many people that are right for us we come into contact with, and from there, you have to talk to the person and get to know them rather than hop in the sack or declare your undying love. It's too soon for either. It's similar to the Buddha's middle path: if you go to one extreme and try to force love it can be just as bad as going to the other extreme and ignoring or scorning love. Things like poetry and Shakespeare are dangerous because they express love in hyperbole for those that have experienced the real thing, meanwhile those who haven't mistake the exaggeration for reality.

Or at least, that's what I think.

Who let the Blogs out?

I still haven't figured out what the deal is with spacing on this thing. Sometimes it's single, sometimes it's 1.5. You never know. I just roll the dice and hope for the best. As for the color change, meh. You figure it out.

So it turns out being a freelance writer is kind of boring. When you start out you can write a bit to submit stuff and hope for the best but what you really want is an assignment so you know you will get paid if you write it rather than groveling. Regardless, whether you apply for an assignment job or submit a piece unsolicited you are going to be waiting around for a response for a while. No response = No motivation. Even a rejection would be nice. I'd be all like, "Oh, you want to reject me? I'll show you. I'll write an even better piece and submit it to someone else so they profit from my brilliance, how would you like that?!" But with all this waiting I don't even know. Everything might get accepted and I'll make bank and go on vacation for the rest of the month, or everything might be rejected and I'll make nothing and go to the shelter for the rest of the month, it's just too soon to say. For now, I guess I'll go back to work on my latest submission, which if accepted, will score me a free t-shirt in addition to my very own by-line!
Now if I could just find a job that paid me in pants I'd be all set.

By the way, I have also made a grand total of 19 cents so far from my articles on Helium.com, so I'm not a complete failure. The wheels are in motion, baby, and the money train is coming to my town. Will you be on board?

I'm too sexy for this blog

For anyone that knows me, this is not a new topic, but I don't think I have ever written down my opinion about sex in today's society. The other day I was listening to the radio (because I have two CD's stuck in my in-dash CD player and I can't get them out) and this guy was rapping about how cool he is and how he was a "player" and whatnot. Now if that kind of thing is your bag, I don't mean any offense, but I don't particularly think that kind of thing is cool. There was definitely a point in my life when I thought that guys who got lots of girls were really cool but then I realized that those people are going to be really sad some day. The fact of the matter is that when you are old, if you are lucky enough to have kids they will be busy with their own families and unless you have someone your own age to keep you company, you are going to be pretty lonely.

The other tough fact is that by that age, the only thing that doesn't sag is your personality. No relationship based on looks and sex can survive the effects of gravity over the years without lots and lots of plastic surgery. People who are promiscuous and flaunt it are just trying to gain acceptance from others and usually have deep-seeded issues with self esteem that cause their behavior. I think deep down most people know this but sex and desire are such a part of our everyday lives that people can't help but want it and be envious of people who are really just announcing their insecurity to the world. I sort of pity these people because they will never experience true love, and what's more, they are proud of it.

"Play on playa, but don't be surprised when you wake up one day old and lonely. Ya heard?"

BREAKING NEWS

I was just checking the hit counter for my blog, and I have now had visitors from the U.S., Australia, and Canada. Now, it may be true that I sent the link to people in other countries myself, but the point is that with readers in three countries on two continents I am now an

INTERNATIONAL BLOGGING SENSATION!!!

That's right. Naturally, it's only a matter of time until the employers are breaking my door down and paparazzi are digging through my trash. That'll be sweet.

How many bogs could a Blogger jog before his clogs were water-logged?

For the moment I will be referring to today as the first day of my freelance writing career, but since I have not yet found anyone to pay me for my work, it might technically be my first day of unemployment. The search began a while ago but people are so slow to get back to you, it's really annoying. I have had some preliminary success, but after the people who liked my stuff said they would talk to their partners or boards, I don't hear back. Not even a rejection. Just waiting. The one nice thing is that the payroll was delayed by two weeks at my old job. I got paid yesterday for the end of December and I will get one more paycheck at the end of the month, so I have some flexibility. Regardless, here is a shameless plug:

If you or someone you know needs English/Spanish translation, comedy, travel, philosophical or creative writing of any sort, don't be a stranger. Email pbbmail@gmail.com today!

Ugh, I feel so dirty.

So, on a slightly more entertaining note, my car's engine light went on last week. I took it to the mechanic for a lube/oil/filter situation and he told me that the reason the light was on was for some fuse or something and that it would be covered under the warranty, so I should take it to the dealership and get it done for free rather than paying him. I have been trying unsuccessfully to even speak to a service representative at a jeep dealership since then. I have left messages and emailed and everything but no response. My plan was to go down there personally today, but as I sat in the Safeway parking lot using the wireless internet to post my blog last night, I suddenly noticed that the engine light was no longer on!! Now, if only the rest of my problems could be solved this easily...

--Insert title with blog pun here--

I just participated in an event known as the “White Elephant.” I assume most people know what this is, but I had never even heard of it before this year. For the benefit of others who have not heard of this, you wrap a crappy present you have received and don’t want or just something from around the house. Then you go around and pick one to open, but you can choose to steal someone else’s present rather than open a new one, etc. I think basically the point is to get at least a laugh out of crappy gifts, but if you think about it, all it is is organized re-gifting. It’s quite sad really. We sit there and crack jokes about this terrible crap we are exchanging when some obscure relative or co-worker probably agonized over whether or not to get it for us in the first place because they don’t know us well enough to pick out a good gift but yet felt obligated to get us something. It just goes to show you, the thought doesn’t count for sh**. Am I allowed to curse on this site? I mean, it’s the internet but I think this is supposed to be a family site or some crap like that. Anyway, I would have felt bad giving away something someone bought for me, so I just used a hideous t-shirt that I had bought for a Halloween costume. I have included a picture of what I got below.

As a side note- The only thing worse than a crappy gift from someone who doesn’t really know what you like is a gift card from someone who probably should. At the grocery store they have an entire wall of gift cards from every store, restaurant and website you can think of. Who is so lazy that they have to do all their Christmas shopping at Safeway? The gift card, even more so than the gift certificate, is the ultimate declaration of apathy on the part of the gift-giver. At least with a certificate it’s got a handwritten amount and maybe a signature to show that the person at least went to the store to get it. You can get a gift card in any grocery, convenience, or liquor store in the city. It’s like, “Aw, a gift card. Thanks so much for thinking of me when you were buying booze and rubbers.”





The question you need to ask yourself is not whether or not it is the ugliest picture frame in the world, for the answer is most certainly "Yes." But "Why on earth would anyone make or sell such a hideous abomination? Why would anyone buy it? And why, oh why, would I choose to steal this from someone in a game of White Elephant rather than open something new?"

Blog the change you want to see in the world...

So, I just saw the movie "Gandhi." I don't think that there is anything that I can say about the man or the movie that hasn't been said a million times already but I almost feel obligated considering the magnitude of his accomplishments and the fact that I have this venue in which to do it. First off, I never really knew much about the man or his life, and I think it is sad that as westerners the only widely-circulated information about him has to come from a movie. This is exactly the type of man that children should be learning about in Elementary school or Sunday school. Too bad there's only room for one example of nonviolence and forgiveness in western culture and it has to be from 2000 years ago rather than someone who lived during some of our lifetimes. I'm not saying it's a bad example to follow but two heads are better than one, and especially in recent years, I think Westerners need all the positive Eastern influences they can get. Obviously, the damage done to the world by imperialism is still visible today, and at the moment, there does not appear to be a solution in sight. It's a depressing topic for sure and not one I want to dwell on for long. It is important to remember that is was not so long ago that this man lived and hope that we will not wait long before others try to revive his message in words and actions.

As an organizational note, it has come to my attention that the first post was actually after midnight and therefore as the same day as the second. The consecutive day counter, therefore, will remain at 5 until tomorrow. Furthermore, I have posted a link to my other work on the Internet for anyone who wishes to check it out. I particularly recommend my articles on Helium.com since I get paid for every hit.

When leaving work, be sure to blog out.

Well, that's the end of that crap. It actually wasn't too bad, but I always get this urge on the last day of work to do something really crazy and leave my mark. I never do because I know I need the reference and if I did anything it would be what my Dad calls "burning bridges," which is no good. It sucks because I had some really good opportunities because by coincidence, my last day happened to be the same day as the three-year anniversary of the restaurant ! I'm not kidding, we had this huge sheet cake with this elaborate frosting with airbrushing. My manager's dress and face were begging to be caked and it would be sweet revenge for her bleach-stain nagging.

But then, just when I thought the day was over, the health inspector showed up. I couldn't believe my luck, they only come once a year! She even asked me to explain how I wash the dishes personally! I could have put them out of business, but that old conscience started up and I knew I didn't have the marbles. Too bad, this would have been a great post.

You have a big blog of mustard on your shirt.

I finally figured out why I hate this word. It's the sound. Blog. Same sound as glob, bog, and gob. So awful. Why couldn't they call them web journals so people would be like, "Oh yeah? You've got a bjournal? That's awesome, I'll have to check it out." That would be way better.

Today is my last day washing dishes but I think I have some freelance writing prospects in the works already and I still have a sweet unpaid internship to fall back on. I'm fairly confident, as usual, that eventually I'll figure something out. That's all for now, I'll check back in after work.

Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to blog free

As you can see, I have decided to change the name of Iright Daley’s World Wide Web Log to Confessions of a Secret Genius. I apologize to anyone who was particularly fond of the previous name, but I have had this new one saved up forever for a book that might not ever happen so I figured I’d better get some use out of it while I can.

It comes from a sensation that I have had ever since I was a kid, that I was drastically different from other kids. I’m not saying I thought I was better than everyone else, but I had to try hard to fit in and it didn't feel natural. It’s funny, most people develop issues with self esteem as a result of not fitting in; I developed delusions of grandeur instead. I was and am convinced that I am, in some as-0f-yet undiscovered facet of life, a genius. Now, I got good grades in school and college and whatnot but I never demonstrated myself to be a genius in any of my fields of study or the SAT’s or work or anything. Hence, the “secret” part. I haven’t figured out where the genius lies yet, but I’m sure it’s in there somewhere. I just have to keep trying things out.

Now, most people would say it’s cocky to say you think you are a genius and one person even told me, “Even if I thought that about myself, I would never tell anyone.” I don’t know if it is or not but it is something that motivates me to be adventurous and work hard in everything that I do, so I don’t think it’s a bad thing. It does make me wonder, however, about the nature of this thing we call the “genius” and how one gains that honor. Usually, inventing something really useful or discovering like a cure or a theorem helps, like Einstein, but they say he got bad grades in school so his teachers probably thought he was a slacker. If 12 year old Einstein told his teacher to leave him alone because he was a delicate genius and needed his space she would have paddled him, but after three letters, one superscript number, and one “=” changed his life forever, people let him do whatever he wanted because he was a Genius. Did you ever see his hair? That’s genius hair. There’s no way a normal guy could pull that off, that’s for sure. But that’s neither here nor there, the point is to ask yourself this question, “Did Einstein become a genius when he mastered quantum physics and discovered the theory of relativity, or was he a genius from birth?” And what’s more, “If he had never done either of those things and done something else with his life, would he still have been a genius?”

For more discussion see "Geniuses of Note" sidebar.


P.S. - Let's be clear about this: I'm not comparing myself to Einstein. It's just something to think about.



Geniuses of Note:

J.S. Bach - Wasn't he like writing symphonies in the womb? Talk about genius from birth. I bet when he came out he complained about how crappy the acoustics were and how cramped his dressing room was.

Isaac Newton – They say he discovered gravity, but did he really? Were people like, “Really? Things fall? What an amazing discovery, Isaac, you’re a genius!” No. People already knew about it. Isaac Newton named Gravity, people, he didn’t discover it.I'm not saying he wasn't a genius, but it didn't take a genius to get hit in the head with an apple.

Q: Where do Blogs come from?

A: From Btrees, stupid!

Ha! Seriously though, I was thinking recently how much I love stand-up comedy and how great it would be to be a stand-up comedian. It suddenly occurred to me that my current hobby could not be further from it. As a blogger, I am a sit-down comedian. Now, it could be argued that someone who wrote tragedies (a sit-down tragedist) would be a more appropriate opposite, but I'm not going to get into semantics. The point is that while stand-up comedians get up in front of a crowd and put themselves on the line while bloggers sit back in a dark room with complete anonymity. There's no risk, so even people with nothing to say can try it out, but unfortunately, that means that like 75% of internet content is absolute crap. Too bad you can't get booed off the internet. You go to log in one day and its just an error message saying your account has been terminated by popular demand. Maybe one day...

Whatchoo Bloggin' About Willus?

Aw hell, I had this whole thing planned out at work today and now I can't remember any of it. They should make waterproof laptops for dishwashing bloggers. Or I suppose I could write it down the old fashioned way. I don't know it seems like hooking a horse up to your car when it breaks down or something like that. Anyway, I only have two days left at that job and every moment I'm there is agony. Obviously that's why I'm leaving but people keep trying to comfort me by saying that I only have a few days left. That doesn't help. It just makes it worse. It's like when you have to pee really bad in the car and you are racing to get home. You can always hold it just long enough to get in the door but the last moments are absolute torture. And god help you can't find the key or your zipper gets stuck. The funny thing is that if your house had been further away you would have been able to hold it in the car, but once you stop and get out, you can almost hear your bladder ticking. The last two days of work in a crappy job that you are quitting are equivalent to this time out of the car, only drawn out for 16 hours.

Wow. That's top quality blogging; sarcasm, dry wit, complaining, exaggeration... What would the 21st century be without this medium. The irony, however, of a blog that whines about blogging and whiney bloggers is far too irony-ey for me, so we're going to can that act from now on and move on to more enlightened, idiotic, humorous, and lame topics: today's shall be decided by me right now, at random... uh... hold on...

Rolling Luggage- n. Rolling luggage is a terrible invention because it allows people to bring more luggage than they need, which used to be a quantity determined by how much a person can safely carry. If you couldn't carry it, you didn't need it. Part of the challenge of traveling should be choosing only the essential items to bring to with you. Now people are bringing their entire wardrobe on a dolly and it's not safe. And let's get something straight right now, if your bag is on wheels because it is too heavy to lift, let alone wrestle it into the overhead compartment, IT IS NOT A CARRY ON BAG!! I don't care what they tell you at check in. I understand the need for the elderly and the handicapped to have this kind of product but it there should be a new law from the TSA rather than this liquid ban crap: Bags on wheels permitted only for passengers on wheels. You should have to buy them in the same store where you get the Rascal. In the hands of the lazy and stupid, rolling bags can turn any average plane or train overhead bin into a deathtrap.

I think I've made my point.

Light Packers Rep #90210

My First Post... Ever!

Well, I guess it's about time I fell in line and got myself one of these here world wide web logs. I can't stand the word "Blog" but there isn't much you can do when that is what they are called except refuse to use the shortened version and always say web log. Regardless of what you call it, though, it is important to remember that at its core, a blog is really just a public journal on a computer. And who pioneered the computer journal? That's right, Doogie Howser, M.D.
With this in mind I have decided against my better judgement to attempt to post every day from now until I decide it's been long enough. I know, it's a big commitment but I just quit my day job and decided to become a freelance writer. Sweet career move. Anyway, I can't imagine there will be any sort of unifying theme to my posts except that they will all be both totally radical and kickass. I feel like an idiot writing this because while I don't actually expect anyone to read it, there is always that off chance that someone will. I guess I kind of hope someone does because that is sort of the whole point, but then again maybe I would rather get a few dry runs under my belt before I open myself up for public ridicule.
I don't think that's necessary, on second thought, because I have always been a sink or swim kind of guy. Plus its only the biggest losers who go out of their way to blast stupid stuff on the internet anyway so no one who publishes stuff on the internet should let it bother them. I know this because when anyone with a life sees something crappy on the internet they are already pissed off enough about having wasted their time to begin with that they don't want to waste more by posting a comment about how crappy the thing was and how pissed off they are. But I digress...
I will now begin making my page all colorful and whatnot and try to distract any potential readers from the crappiness of my first blog ever. AH, THANK YOU!!!!